Napster to be purchased by Bertelsmann - both users interviewed

April 11, 2002

This an old, sarcastic news post from when I was in college. I apologise.

What Napster means is about as obvious as why people still use it. FRANKFURT, GERMANY - On Friday, the CEO of the giant German media company Bertelsmann announced they were prepared to purchase Napster, the file-swapping program that started the File Sharing Revolution. Up to $30 million is earmarked for the purchase, which equates out to $15 million spent on each person who still uses Napster. While this deal sounds odd to some users, it was expected in the industry. “Bertelsmann has been interested in Napster since before the lawsuit,” said Thomas Middelhoff, CEO of Bertelsmann.

John Fanning, uncle of the creator of Napster and owner of much of the company, has been using Napster since Beta 2. “The selection went down when they blocked every song known to man, and a little bit more when everyone else left the service, but there’s a lovely young lady I chat with on there sometimes, and we exchange classical music,” he said in an interview.

Steve Erickson, a 54-year old inmate at Delaware State Penitentiary, is the other user of the service. “What do you mean why do I still use Napster? There’s alternatives? What the edited! This is bulledited! You mean I could be getting chat and copyrighted music for free all this edited time?! edited” According to research there are no females who use the service.

The writer of this article owns one share in Napster, which he is using as a fund to give $9999 to everyone who forwards an untraceable email he sent out.

© Allen Pike. See also Twitter and Steamclock.