In a move that has geeks celebrating and Microsoft spluttering, the US government,
in addition to many other organizations and individuals, are recommending users
stop using Microsoft Internet Explorer, and use an alternative
browser instead. Insecure by nature, Internet Explorer hasn’t had a major
update since 1999, and practically no improvements since Windows XP was released
in 2001. The advisories from US-CERT and the Department of Homeland Security
are being echoed across the web.

Users and analysts alike are baffled. “I thought Internet Explorer was
the internet,” lamented a confused grandma. “I think it’s secure,
since I haven’t gotten a Norton for at least three days now.” Sadly, this
is only a mild case of a condition that is being termed, “Being a Grandma”.
This condition has been around for centuries, but has been striking an increased
number of the internet community.

“Unfortunately, the number of grandmas online is reaching critical mass,”
observed one industry observer. “Also reaching critical mass is the number
of holes and vulnerabilities being discovered in Windows’ default browser. When
these two forces meet, there will be a firey doom that can only be described
as apocalyptic. Monitors cracking, servers cutting out… PCs bursting into
flaming infernos of hell, ripping through walls and…” Well, this went
on for a good twenty minutes. While this may or may not be an accurate prediction,
most agree that Internet Explorer has to go.

Another analyst was less understanding. “The problem isn’t Internet Explorer.
It’s the hackers exploiting the holes and problems with it. If it was almost
good enough in 1999, why isn’t it almost good enough in 2004? Frankly, I think
more people should be using Explorer just to show hackers who’s
wearing the pants around here.” The analyst was also sure that the features
every other browser has (tabbed browsing, pop-up blocking, etc.) are useless.
“I actually like pop-up windows. They, uh, entertain me. Yeah.”

Altering Time has officially decided to jump on the bandwagon, with staff still
reeling from the pains of trying to get the Altering Time Redesign to work with
Explorer’s mind-numbingly bad standards support. Allen Pike, Web Designer, Graphic
Designer, System Adminstrator, …,
for the site has taken the issue personally. When asked about how much he likes
Internet Explorer, he began sharpening a knife and muttering to himself. Reportedly
his next game, Engineering Faith, will be optimized for
standard browsers (which is currently any new browser except Internet Explorer.)

The moral of the story is, use Mozilla
Firefox – it imports your Explorer bookmarks, won’t get you viruses, and
allows web designers to make better sites.